for those that are curious when we are going to have children the answer is......
we don't know
and
we don't know if ever will be.
i used to always want kids, and part of me still does, but not all of my parts. (there's got to be a better way to word that!)
rie and i tend to get jealous of our friends when ever any of them have a baby, but then we talk about it and agree that we aren't ready for one. it would be like if someone we know bought a new cadillac. we would be envious because they got a brand new car, but at the same time.......we don't want a cadillac!!!
don't misunderstand, if we turned out to be pregnant tomorrow, we would fully love our child. it would be an amazing change in our lives, but as i told my mom, as much as we would passionately love any child we were blessed with, we don't passionately want to have children.
it's funny how something that you want so badly at certain times of your life can become less of a priority at a different time. even in high school i would have told you that i didn't care what my career was, i just wanted to be a dad (not while i was in high school though!) but now, now i am so excited to look to a near future that has us out of debt and the ability to live lives that we thought we'd only have to dream of. it's not that we think kids would ruin those plans, they just don't seem to be apart of the equation.
i'm not naive enough to think that should we not have children ever, that there wouldn't be a time later where i would wonder what our kids would have been like, but at the same time, as i've said before, for marie and i, children wouldn't define us. we are content in our current decisions and are aware that there is obviously a passing window for us to decide if we did want kids.
how about you? have you always wanted kids? did you want more kids than you've had, less? what are your thoughts?
Friday, July 11, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
3rd new post this week!!!!
wow, so are you guys able to keep up with my sudden verbal/written overflow?!
this one is a quick one but i just wanted to know when the last time any of you listened to Counting Crows album August and Everything After? whatever your answer, it's not recent enough. now i know that music is subjective and some of you might hate Adam "dude are you still sportin' dreadlocks" Duritz and the band, but i would strongly encourage you to revisit this album, in fact, revisit your entire early 90's collection, Smashing Pumpkins/Siamese Dream, Pearl Jam/Ten, Black Crowes/Shake Your Money Maker and any other favorites that you will hopefully add to the list, please drop me your favorites!
p.s. i was reminded of the Crows album while reading the newest Harlan Coben book The Woods which i'm half way through and i will grab onto your leg and beg you to read, in fact give nearly anything of his a shot and you won't regret it!
this one is a quick one but i just wanted to know when the last time any of you listened to Counting Crows album August and Everything After? whatever your answer, it's not recent enough. now i know that music is subjective and some of you might hate Adam "dude are you still sportin' dreadlocks" Duritz and the band, but i would strongly encourage you to revisit this album, in fact, revisit your entire early 90's collection, Smashing Pumpkins/Siamese Dream, Pearl Jam/Ten, Black Crowes/Shake Your Money Maker and any other favorites that you will hopefully add to the list, please drop me your favorites!
p.s. i was reminded of the Crows album while reading the newest Harlan Coben book The Woods which i'm half way through and i will grab onto your leg and beg you to read, in fact give nearly anything of his a shot and you won't regret it!
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
dust & ashes
in light of my aunt's recent funeral i have been thinking more about my "arrangements". from time to time i think about what kind of a funeral i would like, not that i'll be there!, and the other details.
actually, my uncle was just telling me that his wife asked him what songs he wanted played at his funeral and he said that unless they are putting a stereo in the box with him he didn't much care!
i more and more am thinking about being cremated. it grows in my mind every day. reently i heard a man on the radio say that he and his wife had decided to both be cremated and once they both had gone, they wanted their ashes mixed in the same urn. i thought that was very romantic. i can't seem to get rie on board with that one but hey you can't win them all!
the "ashes to ashes" phrase has been in my head since i found out my aunt was to be cremated. actually, the thought crossed my mind after my grandpa was cremated last year, but it's really been churning the wheels the last couple of weeks. what a beautiful thought, from ashes to ashes, dust to dust, from the earth you came and to the earth you shall return. and not just in a morbid sense of thinking, those phrases are making me think more and more about how i live my life. almost as if that phrase is constantly hanging in front of my face, guiding the way i spend my days, my nights, my life. i hope i can devote some serious time to meditating more about the meaning of where we came from.
as for the details of my funeral one thing that has remained a constant is that i would like bob marley's "three little birds" played and i DEFINITELY want it to be a layed back service/party/thingy. i don't want people in suits and ties unless that's how they are truley comfortable that way. i live my life in shorts and t-shirts, jeans and hoodies, and that's how i would want to end my life. not in a stuffy suit, in a somber mood. i plan on sharing more of the details of my funeral as i figure them out and i hope that you all will share any and all specialties that you want at your funeral.
share share share
actually, my uncle was just telling me that his wife asked him what songs he wanted played at his funeral and he said that unless they are putting a stereo in the box with him he didn't much care!
i more and more am thinking about being cremated. it grows in my mind every day. reently i heard a man on the radio say that he and his wife had decided to both be cremated and once they both had gone, they wanted their ashes mixed in the same urn. i thought that was very romantic. i can't seem to get rie on board with that one but hey you can't win them all!
the "ashes to ashes" phrase has been in my head since i found out my aunt was to be cremated. actually, the thought crossed my mind after my grandpa was cremated last year, but it's really been churning the wheels the last couple of weeks. what a beautiful thought, from ashes to ashes, dust to dust, from the earth you came and to the earth you shall return. and not just in a morbid sense of thinking, those phrases are making me think more and more about how i live my life. almost as if that phrase is constantly hanging in front of my face, guiding the way i spend my days, my nights, my life. i hope i can devote some serious time to meditating more about the meaning of where we came from.
as for the details of my funeral one thing that has remained a constant is that i would like bob marley's "three little birds" played and i DEFINITELY want it to be a layed back service/party/thingy. i don't want people in suits and ties unless that's how they are truley comfortable that way. i live my life in shorts and t-shirts, jeans and hoodies, and that's how i would want to end my life. not in a stuffy suit, in a somber mood. i plan on sharing more of the details of my funeral as i figure them out and i hope that you all will share any and all specialties that you want at your funeral.
share share share
summer bummers
o summer where art thou?
i spent the better part of the crummy winter months waiting for sunshine and warmth, tennis and biking, rollerblading and golf. now that those days are here i seem to be passing them up for late days at work, an unmotivated spirit and a lack of appreciation for the moment.
i know that we've had alot of rain but rie and i can't stop thinking about how many opportunities have drifted by us like a butterfly in a breeze. it seems that whenever we have a sunny day either we can't find the energy to get out and do something, or we draw from our list of a million excuses. pretty soon it'll be fall/winter and we'll have all the cold months to bitch about how we can't go outside!!!
grrrr. well here's to makin' a change. tennis, walks, biking, rollerblading, golf and anything else that the summer wants to through at us i say bring it on!!! it's the 1st of july and that marks the beginning of summer for us. come rain or shine we're gonna get out there and do.......something! anything!
i hope you guys are making the most of your fun summer days.
by the way, would anybody be interested in a trip to cedar point? i'm thinking closer to the start of the school year so the park won't be quite so busy.
what'ya say? a caravan of fun leading to the happiest place on earth....or is that disney land? either way! plus i think i've lost enough weight to actually fit on the rides again!
i'll draft up a permission slip that you can get your parents to sign!
i spent the better part of the crummy winter months waiting for sunshine and warmth, tennis and biking, rollerblading and golf. now that those days are here i seem to be passing them up for late days at work, an unmotivated spirit and a lack of appreciation for the moment.
i know that we've had alot of rain but rie and i can't stop thinking about how many opportunities have drifted by us like a butterfly in a breeze. it seems that whenever we have a sunny day either we can't find the energy to get out and do something, or we draw from our list of a million excuses. pretty soon it'll be fall/winter and we'll have all the cold months to bitch about how we can't go outside!!!
grrrr. well here's to makin' a change. tennis, walks, biking, rollerblading, golf and anything else that the summer wants to through at us i say bring it on!!! it's the 1st of july and that marks the beginning of summer for us. come rain or shine we're gonna get out there and do.......something! anything!
i hope you guys are making the most of your fun summer days.
by the way, would anybody be interested in a trip to cedar point? i'm thinking closer to the start of the school year so the park won't be quite so busy.
what'ya say? a caravan of fun leading to the happiest place on earth....or is that disney land? either way! plus i think i've lost enough weight to actually fit on the rides again!
i'll draft up a permission slip that you can get your parents to sign!
Friday, June 20, 2008
life is waiting for you.....
sometimes i draw the comparison between life and traveling somewhere you've never been before. on just about every vacation or visit to a strange town, there comes at least one moment where i am looking for a specific address, off ramp, landmark or building. i know it's coming up, i don't know exactly what it will look like, or how many streets come before it, but i've got a descent idea about what's coming. and sure enough, the street i needed to turn on showed up when i was convinced it was further down, or i looked so long for that stupid landmark that i actually forgot what i was looking for and drove right past it. sometimes i'm looking for an address that should be right here, right where it should be, but it's not and it makes no sense.
life brings these same problems. i can remember wanting to hurry through my late teens so that i could drink (legally) at 21 but i forgot to tell life that it was ok to slow down and take it's time right after that and now i wake up and i'm 31 and all of that drinking that i so badly needed to do just seems like a waste of money. or i put off writing even one damn word in the novel i'm working on because in two days is my day off and then i can just sit at the computer all day and type uninterrupted. (i wish there was a keystroke that instead of italicizing words, it would denote sarcasm!) but when i get to that day off, i forgot about going to the grocery store, and the bank, and i haven't worked out in 3 days and then i'm done with those things and all i want to do is sit on the couch and not have to think or do anything.
so i wait for this magical day that's always coming and before i know it, it's been a year and i've got the same three pages i started with plus a paragraph of forced labor, when if i would have just sat down for a few minutes each night, a few simple paragraphs even, i would have thousands of words by now.
a friend of mine once wrote about how she was always waiting for the real her to arrive and how in high school she thought she would "arrive" in college, and then it was when she got married, and then it was when she had a baby. eventually we all have to discover that when we finally become the real us is when we are done living. that's the sick and twisted beauty of the whole thing, we never become who we are, we are always becoming that person, nothing is static. we are always aging, learning, growing, thinking and changing.
the off ramps are always coming, the turns will always need to be made, but we aren't going to see them coming if we're going 100 mph with our heads turned in the opposite direction waiting for them to tap us on the shoulder and tell us they are near. we have to be aware. and we have to know that life is going to happen whether we tell it to or not, so live life as each turn comes, be ready for it, and only hit the gas once you're on the right road.
“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
Stacey Charter
"the only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once"
albert einstein
and to wrap this up:
once, on a family trip when i was young and we had our first family camcorder, there is actually video of my dad telling my mom to video tape our upcoming exit that would lead us to the great state of florida and to that giant creepy mouse. the funny part is, the video is of my dad's hand in the frame pointing at the exit and you hear him tell her to video tape it....as we drove right on by.
that memory sometimes sums up my whole life, being aware of what to do, making sure that people know that I know what to do, and then i don't worry enough about what i'm doing.
life brings these same problems. i can remember wanting to hurry through my late teens so that i could drink (legally) at 21 but i forgot to tell life that it was ok to slow down and take it's time right after that and now i wake up and i'm 31 and all of that drinking that i so badly needed to do just seems like a waste of money. or i put off writing even one damn word in the novel i'm working on because in two days is my day off and then i can just sit at the computer all day and type uninterrupted. (i wish there was a keystroke that instead of italicizing words, it would denote sarcasm!) but when i get to that day off, i forgot about going to the grocery store, and the bank, and i haven't worked out in 3 days and then i'm done with those things and all i want to do is sit on the couch and not have to think or do anything.
so i wait for this magical day that's always coming and before i know it, it's been a year and i've got the same three pages i started with plus a paragraph of forced labor, when if i would have just sat down for a few minutes each night, a few simple paragraphs even, i would have thousands of words by now.
a friend of mine once wrote about how she was always waiting for the real her to arrive and how in high school she thought she would "arrive" in college, and then it was when she got married, and then it was when she had a baby. eventually we all have to discover that when we finally become the real us is when we are done living. that's the sick and twisted beauty of the whole thing, we never become who we are, we are always becoming that person, nothing is static. we are always aging, learning, growing, thinking and changing.
the off ramps are always coming, the turns will always need to be made, but we aren't going to see them coming if we're going 100 mph with our heads turned in the opposite direction waiting for them to tap us on the shoulder and tell us they are near. we have to be aware. and we have to know that life is going to happen whether we tell it to or not, so live life as each turn comes, be ready for it, and only hit the gas once you're on the right road.
“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
Stacey Charter
"the only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once"
albert einstein
and to wrap this up:
once, on a family trip when i was young and we had our first family camcorder, there is actually video of my dad telling my mom to video tape our upcoming exit that would lead us to the great state of florida and to that giant creepy mouse. the funny part is, the video is of my dad's hand in the frame pointing at the exit and you hear him tell her to video tape it....as we drove right on by.
that memory sometimes sums up my whole life, being aware of what to do, making sure that people know that I know what to do, and then i don't worry enough about what i'm doing.
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