ok, i will start off by apologizing for the length of this one, but here we go!! have you ever wanted a vacation to hurry up and finish so you could go back to work? now, unless your job is making $20 an hour to receive back massages and sample free pizza while watching the new movies before they come out in theatres in your own private viewing cinema, than i doubt it. well ok, let me set the stage for you. i am at a point in my job (an optician at the wal mart vision center) where i see the dead end coming. this is a great field with plenty of constant learning and change but its just not the field for me. i love working with people but this business is one where it isnt just customer wants item, i sell customer item, done deal. no, no, no. here there is always the threat of "you guys did this wrong" or " this rx isnt right" or "these still dont fit right" there just will always be that window for complaints and it is leaving me with a heavy heart, i feel burdend (sp) by this and i dread going to work because i dont want to have to tell one more person that their dog chewing up their 2 month old glasses isnt under warranty and the $200 they spent is out the window, i cant take getting yelled at by one more person who feels that they cant come in in voice their opinion , but because of possible past issues with customer service, they feel they have to be a jerk right off the bat to get their point across.
plus we have hit an extremely slow spot which is out of character for the time of year. so, not exactly being a millionare, it hurts whenever we cut payroll and i get sent home early but on the flip side, almost every day i find myself lobbying to get sent home early because i cant stand being there. and when it is brutaly dead, oh yeah, then you have nothing but time to realize how much you hate your job! i had a vacation at the end of september to move, it came at a good point because i was feeling run down at work and my boss had noticed. so we talked about it and how during my whole vacation, every day that went by i grew sadder because it meant i had to go back to work one day sooner. i had all this free time to sit around and stew. so when my next vacation came up (which i am on right now) she wanted to make sure i had plans, so i wouldnt sit around and grow to despise my job. i said yes, we were going up north to Frankenmuth, well , that fell thru and we were then going to go to spend time with my inlaws, which fell thru, then we had a budget crisis so here i sit at home with no place to be and no money to spend, necessarily or not.
i keep looking thru the job ads but i am having trouble finding a fit. the one thing i do know is that i love to write. and as i had posted previously in my myspace blog, i was working on a fictional novel based around how my wife and i met and came to be. i got rocking good on it, i was losing weight on my diet (50lbs) and then the 1st vacation hit. ever since ive put about 10lbs back on, and i cant write more than a paragraph at a time before i feel dark and drained. i even met someone that works for Baker Publishing who gave me some contact info on where to submit my work that will actually get it looked at. and to top it off here i sit at home in front of the computer with no place to go or money to spend, a perfect scenario to finish my book, and i.....cannot......write. i am so engulfed by this somber nature of hating my job, the hours, the lack of money, the feeling of guilt that my wife (rie) has to pull most of the weight to pay the bills because i didnt get an education and/or i dont have the drive to succeed more than 'just enough' to get by.
i dont write this to have anyone feel bad for me or give me an online pat on the back, instead i write, and write alot, to see if anyone else is with me, maybe not identically, but if there are any threads that dangle off of my story that you can grab hold of, then please do, and let me know. i know this will be a growing and learning experience and i will come thru this, i just need to get over myself. God gave me a very exact gift to use and i cannot sit on it. what if Jesus, possesor of the most important gift in the history of gift giving, decided not to die on the cross because he had plans, or there was a movie he liked on (humor me) or any of a million other excuses he could have made to not do the single thing that he knew in his bones was destined just for him. i can do this, He did it, and i can do it. i would love to share my struggles, thoughts and even the progress of my novel with any of you who made feel called to share. so let me know. .....wow! i felt like i had to write because i just opened this blog monday and i didnt want to let too much time go before i wrote again, but now i think i can give it a rest for a while! .....but who knows :-)
well, in keeping with my last post promise here are some more words of wisdom from mitch:
"y'know, you can't please all the people all the time....and last night, all those people were at my show"
"i wanna hang a map of the world in my house, then i'm gonna put pins into all the locations that i've traveled to. but first, i'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so that the map will not fall down."
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