watching daylight burn

**footnote**
the post above this was a quote from tom de longe, lead singer from the band Angels & Airwaves. it fit exactly what i was thinking and feeling so i wanted to share it with you. also this post was strongly inspired by the new Angels & Airwaves album I-Empire. please check it out, read the lyrics and try to think how you feel when you are really, truly hopeful.
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today has been one of those days.

i feel like a finely tuned race car parked in quick dry concrete.

i have a million ideas speeding thru my head. but i'm stuck in place.

things i want to do today, things i want to get started today, things i want to avoid today.

i've looked forward to this weekend because i wasn't scheduled to work and now i'm burning up the heels of my shoes, digging into the ground, trying to slow down time. i'm reaching back, clawing and grasping trying to get todays time back.

i need a do over.

i got the rest and relaxation that i craved but i haven't been able to do anything else.

no writing. no reading. no exercising.......

nothing,

i read this on a business sign today and i think they put it up just for me:

-time stays long enough for the person who knows how to use it-

i don't tend to create new year resolutions, for many reasons, but the biggest being that i hate saying, "well, this many more days of debauachery and gluttony and THEN i'll eat better, i'll exercise more, i'll write more today, i'll read more, i'll............

i believe if you want to make a change then you need to do it when it needs to be done, not on the 1st of the week, month, year, whatever. but i find myself this year already trying to make some changes and the first of the year just happened to coincide with my plans. what i'm discovering is that it's hard enough to accomplish most of my goals without sabotaging myself!

i wish i had this weekend to do over again.

but i know that i can't. but what i do get is a brand new chance right now. as i'm writing this. there's always a chance to make changes. i can't help but think about those far too few days when i've been privileged enough to watch a day start, whether it be at a beach, on a drive to work, a drive cross country, or sitting at a far too early breakfast. i can see the sun coming up over the mountains, peeking out from beyond the horizon, out from the clouds. i can smell the wetness of fresh dew on the grass and i refuse to brush down the goosebumps that i feel rising off my skin.
















forgive me for not getting this exactly right, but i heard once that maybe God doesn't grow each flower out of some kind of necessity, but instead maybe he does it for the enjoyment and love of seeing each one grow.

i'll get the exact quote later and share it but you get the idea.

in case you're reading this wondering what exactly my point is, i'll bottom line it for ya:
i'm disappointed in myself and my lack of willingness to "try harder" but i am relieved and appreciative that i get a fresh day tomorrow to try again. like it says " Gods graces renew each day"

i hope that this new year finds you sitting on the roof of your car overlooking the city, watching the sun quietly making its way above us all, showing us that anything we want is out there, over the horizon, we just have to go get it.