there's a certain amount of life that is required, demanded actually, when it comes to living. too often, too easily, we wear a groove into our days that becomes our autopilot.

have you ever been driving and all of a sudden you realize that you don't remember driving the last several miles?

IS YOUR LIFE LIKE THIS?

can you go days and not remember anything other than:

work?

your commute?

hours on the internet or watching tv?


where is the breath?

how is that living?

i suffer severely from this and it is killing me minute by minute, day by day, breath by breath.

i'm not sure what it is that i want from life, at all. i have no target career, no desire to have or not have kids, no urge to move across the country. so i don't know what i want, but i'm not finding it. and maybe that's because i haven't been looking, i've been waiting for it to be dropped into my lap. and that is embarassing to me, it's embarassing that i expect so much out of life and yet so little out of myself.

as my wife once told me:

YOU CAN'T STEER A PARKED CAR

and it is with that thought in mind that i am making a change. i am going to live, i am going to be. and i'm going to do it live and in person.

as the age old saying goes, life is in the journey, not the destination. and my journey has been an auto piloted, chauffeured, ride and there's no fun in that.

so i'm gonna hop behind the wheel and take control of this crazy thing.

i'm gonna go for now, but until then i'll be ............