another day coming, another day going.
do the emergency breaks never quite seem to work on YOUR ride of life?
i wake up early almost every day, excited to get the day going, which usually means going to work. and then at the end of work i rush out excitedly, in a hurry to get home. but getting home for me usually means fixing a meal and sitting down to hours of video games, television or internet hiking.
now please understand, this is not in ignorance of my wife, she usually has a lot of typing to do from her job. when we are both free we definately love to just be with each other. maybe we are just lazy, maybe it's just who we are, but we could just sit in our king and queen chairs in the living room, or go for a drive and as long as we are together, then all is right with the world. (unless i begin to critique her driving, or we can't decide where to eat)
BUT, when rie is busy, i have a very small group of activities that i enjoy. even my writing has taken a turn and has become more for personal reflection, than for any type of novelization. but i wake so early, get home so rushed and stay up so late to basically do nothing, and i look forward to the next day just the same.
i think i have some confused thought that without any effort of my own, that one day i will just come home and there will be a magical letter on top of my playstation 2 telling me that i have some exciting adventure awaiting me, or i'll get in my car and there will be angelic script telling me where to drive to experience life. it's almost like for some reason i want all of the work done for me. i have a hard time being comfortable in the thought, that there are other things to do, even though i know i would enjoy the other things. alot of the times thats how i am about parties and gatherings. i will bitch and complain that i don't want to go, but i know i'll have a great time once we get there.
it's so hard for me to talk about this because i love the time with my games, and i really love movies, it's a passion of mine, so on one hand i feel defensive about it. some people love to go running, some people love crafting, some love to shop, i love what i do. but on the other hand i still want to live a life outside of myself. that's why i have been trying to get out a little more, even if it's doing nothing, just to get out. rie and i are planning some trips, and other experiences. all to breathe a different air, live a little more life, see a little more beauty, because when it's all said and done, do i really want to look back and see so many catergories, destinations and journeys untouched in my book of accomplishments? (i don't really have one of these books, i just mention it to help solidify the story)
the funny thing is i'm sitting here typing. and listening to Social Distortion and the song Winners and Losers has just finished, so i replayed it to listen more intently to the lyrics and i thought i would add them here, as it kind of sums up this little letter. they might not fit word for word, but they are lyrics that i would love to share anyway, because it's a song that rie and i have loved for a long time.
funny how many times the right song, or right example just "happens" to bring itself forward at exactly the right moment!
Winners and losers, turn the pages of my life
We’re beggars and choosers, with all the struggles and the strife
I got no reason to turn my head and look the other way
We’re good and we’re evil, which one will I be today?
There’s saints and sinners
Life’s a gamble and you might lose
There’s cowards and heroes
Both have been known now to break the rules
There’s lovers and haters
The strong and the weak will all have their day
We’re devils and angels
Which one will I be today?
Chorus:
Are you happy now with all the choices you’ve made?
Are there times in life when you know you should’ve stayed?
Will you compromise and then realize the price is too much to pay?
Winners and losers, which one will you be today?
There’s a light and a dark side
Standing at the crossroads, there we’ll meet
There’s prophets and fools there
The lies and the truth, will be at our feet
I got a reason to turn my head and look the other way
Its heaven and hell here, which one will I live today?
Chorus:
Are you happy now with all the choices you’ve made?
Are there times in life when you know you should’ve stayed?
Did you compromise and then realize the price was too much to pay?
Winners and losers, which one will you be today?
Which one will you be today?
Which one will I be today?
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3 comments:
Those lyrics are really interesting - - I've not heard that song before. And, as you get older, your reflect even more on what you've done and not done. Now that some time has passed, was that decision the right one . . . did I live as much as I could have, would have, should have? Oh, ya, you're an adult now.
hey you - i hear you about needing to get out and 'do'. as much as i loved making movies (and watching movies, etc) i find myself feeling like i am accomplishing nothing even though i enjoy myself just vegging out in front of the TV. i personally think that the downfall of society is the super long work day, and the intensity of ones job expectations. even if you loev your job, you're probably working too much, and if you could afford to hire another person to lighten the load, you would. but, these days, that's not possible.
i say try denver on for size with your needing to breathe a different air. it's a beautiful, urban city with the mountains and hiking within your view, and a 10 minute drive.
in the meantime, try to make a movie or short film out of the post you just wrote. there are some interesting images and ideas in there - don't you think?
-d. :)
*cough*come visit us in Colorado*cough* (it's wonderful all the way thru October... you still have time!)
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