catch your breath, this is a long one

i have not edited this, i was afraid i might chicken out and edit the later comments, so if i ramble i am sorry!


i am dead inside. (kidding of course)

red sox-no post season, 5 game sweep by the yankees
packers- shut out 26-0 by the bears
notre dame-massacre in progress at hands of michigan

the weird thing is that i don't care like i used to. i think part of it is that i understand that i have nothing really invested in these teams, i didn't go to their school, i don't get a paycheck from their organization. don't get me wrong, i still don't like seeing michigan march down the field agains ND, but what am i gonna do?!

and i assure you that even if my teams were winning, i am not a trash talker. i have teams i like and teams i don't but i'm not one of those people talking crap all week before the game. if anything, i have been know to give some harmless ribbing after a game but that's about it.

basically i am asking for gentleness from all yankee, michigan, bears and other fans !!!

but in all seriousness i've started to feel bad that i could get sooooo upset at a game that i have been known to cry, throw things and all kinds of other regretable behavior, BUT i could care less about all the darkness in the world.

HANG ON! HANG ON!

hear me out first. all i'm saying is that for me personally, maybe i should put more of my passion into relationships with my wife, my family, strangers, coworkers, everyone.
maybe instead of crying because notre dame lost, i should cry because i claim to love God, but i don't show anyone else that.
maybe i shouldn't be up all night because the sox lost, but instead because i waste soooo many days on safe, dead, lazy things and i only dream and speak loudly about my plans and goals, and i never do any of it.

life is so funny that way. we get wrapped up in our own "stuff". we lie to ourselves about what we want to do. sometimes i laugh when i discuss things with myself that i want to do, because they sound so silly because i know how lazy i am, how selfish i am that i won't do any of those things.

we can be so poisoning to ourselves that sometimes the best cure we can have is to quit ourselves. get over everything that we can get so caught up in our bubble that we forget there is alot of life to be lived and not alot of time to do it.

if any of you read this blog from time to time, you might notice that alot of my entries repeat themselves about being lazy and safe and not "getting out and doing something!!" sounding like a broken record: i'm not gonna sit at the computer or tv all night, OR i'm gonna get some exercise and lose weight OR i'm gonna get our finances in order......and if nothing else, that should be proof of exactly how deeply rooted these struggles are.

do you have any of your own?

i'd like to quit myself and move on to a bigger life,......maybe someday i will
( and no that doesnt mean suicide !! )